Ever since we decided to move, I’ve had this kind of sinking feeling in my stomach that I’m letting people down. I’m super close with my family, and we have lived next door to my dad for the past 7 years, which has brought us even closer. Not to mention the fact that my kids see him everyday. And then there are my amazing loyal clients, whose families I have literally watched grow over the past nearly 10 years. I hate leaving them too. I don’t want to miss these yearly sessions, or the documentation of their new babies. And I don’t want to leave my dear friends. The ones who have prayed with me through this decision, the ones who stop by my house just to say hi, the ones who love my children. I have been blessed beyond measure and I feel an incredible weight of guilt thinking of leaving them all… the people who have loved and supported me so well.
This guilt sits heavy in my heart. It makes me second guess our decision. It brings a rush of anxiety to mind each time I think about it. And those are the reasons I know that this guilt isn’t from God. Unless I actually did something wrong, He isn’t giving me those feelings… that’s how I came to recognize this as false guilt… because the origin is not of God, or from having done something wrong. “False guilt has nothing to do with what’s true and accurate, nor is it related to true repentance. Rather, it is usually the fear of disapproval in disguise, and this problem especially hounds people who have a hyperactive or malfunctioning conscience.” -https://www.focusonthefamily.com/get-help/healthy-guilt-vs-false-and-harmful-guilt/. Enter, me.
So now that I’ve recognized this gnawing feeling as something to be untrue and therefore not of God, I can just release it right? In truth, yes, but I still have some work to do on that front. “One of the best ways to do this is to quiet our minds, close our eyes, breathe deeply, then ask ourselves, ‘Am I really guilty of what I’m telling myself, or is this another case of false evidence appearing real?’ As one who has been hindered by false guilt, this exercise has been invaluable to me.” I think that it is important to first distinguish if this is in fact false guilt, and if so then we can begin the process of releasing those unwarranted and unwanted feelings. I also find this helps when I think about what I know to be true, what I know to be what God is asking me to do, and then I can be certain that any feelings that go against that, are not from Him and should therefore be dismissed.
Will I still miss my family, friends, and clients dearly? Absolutely. And I can feel that sadness fully, find a place for it amidst all of this change, but still remain confident that this is our chosen path. The thing with only accepting truth and not merely feelings, is that that truth will undoubtedly work for our benefit in one way or another; feelings can lie.
I know like all matters of the heart and mind, these actions are easier said than done, but I also feel like unwrapping them in an objective way is also extremely helpful. To unpack each feeling and analyze it for what it is and where it’s from and whether or not it is actually true, is a huge step in the right direction.
As always, I just wanted to share these feelings as I experience and work through them in case you might be working through them as well. You are not alone, and just keep doing the next right thing in faith my friend… and please come visit me : ).