I’m not sure if it was my age, the cold grey weather, increased daily expectations with three homeschooled kids and a business to run, or probably a combination of it all, but the 1st trimester with this precious fourth baby was much harder than I remember it being with my other three. However, now at 16 weeks, as I can look back in hindsight at what I can only describe as a very emotionally trying couple of months, I’m beginning to see so much clarity, and I knew, no matter how scared and vulnerable it made me feel, I had to share my experience and thoughts with you. 

As I share these thoughts with you, please know that I am so aware of the magnitude of this blessing of pregnancy.  Trust me. I will share the story of this baby once I find the adequate words, but none of this, in any way, negates the true and immense gratitude I hold in my heart for even having the opportunity to experience any of this “unsavoriness.” 

Thankfully I was never terribly sick. I had about a month of nausea, but no vomiting, nothing debilitating, however just the inability to physically feel like myself was tough.  Pair that with the endless dreary grey days that get me into a SAD place even when I’m not pregnant, and I found myself struggling mentally day to day. 

I was incredibly anxious, both I’m sure due to raging hormones creating a human inside me, paired with the nonstop reminders I received from medical personnel about my “advanced maternal age.”   I was 36 when I got pregnant, not 87, thankfully very healthy, and taking ridiculously good care of my self for the sake of all my children, including the one I was carrying, however no one cared about any of that. They just wanted to tell me my eggs were old and things could go terribly wrong. Exactly what a woman WHO IS ALREADY PREGNANT wants to hear, right?  I actually began to feel a kind of depression set in because I knew how thankful I was for this baby, I had been praying for this baby for nearly two years, this baby was a dream come true, and absolute miracle, but I couldn’t feel the overwhelming joy I knew I should, I knew I wanted, and that made me feel a deep and heavy shame. What was wrong with me?  Why couldn’t I just be thankful and happy and quit worrying so much? 

I prayed and prayed (and of course am still praying) for the safety and well being of this baby, and slowly found myself gaining more perspective and peace. As the 1st trimester begin to close, the sun also began to show up more and more each afternoon.  I felt my spirits rising. My gratitude was growing abundant and taking center stage. And I felt a very real and welcomed shift. 

As I entered my second trimester a little over a month ago, I began feeling SO much better. Most of my energy returned and a very real and present excitement, joy, and gratitude spread throughout my entire being. That’s not to say I don’t still worry, I do, but I can also see past that 1st trimester hormonal fog, to the parts that are irrational, and I can hand it all over to God and focus on the sweetness of hope for all that is to come. 

If you’re in your 1st trimester and experiencing any of this, please know that it will subside, and if for some reason it doesn’t, please please speak with your doctor or midwife. You are brave and strong mamas, and I’m grateful to share this journey alongside you all.

Some things that helped in my first trimester:

  • taking 25mg of B6 every morning made a huge difference in my nausea

  • walking or jogging for 15-20 minutes everyday even when I didn’t feel like it

  • getting outside every day … especially when the sun is out!

  • avocados:  I have been eating an avocado a day since I found out I was pregnant!  They are rich in B6, potassium, and folate, so not only are they great for your growing baby, but they also provide good omega 3 fatty acids.  I just mash mine on sourdough everyday and sprinkle Trader Joe’s everything seasoning on top. 

  • prenatal vitamins:   super important to take everyday to support healthy growth for baby.  I did a ton of research on the best ones and found the Megafood Baby & Me 2 to be great. I take two each morning and they have never made me feel sick. All ingredients are naturally derived, nothing synthetic, and completely organic and pesticide free. 

  • Flax Seed oil:  Some women might experience a “slower-paced” digestive track while pregnant… meaning, the train has stopped at good ‘ol constipation station for the duration. This has happened to me for all of my pregnancies, and this has been my first pregnancy where I have found some relief!  Exercising everyday, even walking, drinking a ton of water, and starting the day with just a tsp of flax seed oil diluted in a bit of orange juice, has been a heaven sent remedy for me. 

  • THESE lululemon align leggings because who wants to wear actual pants when you feel like you don’t even want to get out of bed?  These have been the best leggings for the 1st trimester since they are super soft and not too tight on a growing belly, as well as staying put and not riding down.

To learn even more about what I’m loving this pregnancy, I have dedicated an audio article in the March bundle for nurture members to this topic!

I hope this is helpful for you all! Love and blessings!

xx, Alex